the party doesnt start until theres spike in the punch [entries|friends|calendar] omfgjaykob [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(how many will you take with you?) and like that heart that got in the way ill become the lost cause [15 Dec 2006|07:51am] i miss you livejournal. allie dodd copies me now and i cant wait for jan merch boys get all the pussy. HAHHAHAHABAHAHAHAHABHAAHAHAGAHAHAHAHFAOMGHAHAHAHAwtfHFIUSDHAGUIHGUIJHAHAHHAhhahahahahHAHAHAhahhaahHAHAHAHFIOSHIOGFHJAGUIFDNIHISUDAHFUhUIHiUHGYUYUVBJKHhuiygyuihfjoidsfniggerFHUIDSISFDUAGHIFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUUFUFUFUFUFUFHFHAHHAHAHAHFIHSJGJFGFJDS alcohol is my best friend these days. at the end of a hard day id rather have a beer in my hand then somone to talk to. ily vodka, ily pabst, ily whiskey, ily wine...you are the friends that will never lie to me, look down on me, flake, fuck me over, or sneak out of my bed and leave in the middle of the night to go to some other dudes house. i got a tattoo its a fat tribal piece on my face like that one boxer....the cannibal one. mike tyson or some shit. jkjkjkjkjkjkjkjkjkjkjkjk Don't doubt me I am vengeance I'm built for war

(6 how many will you take with you?) [25 Aug 2006|08:07pm] all i can say is my life is amazing now. i have a wonderful amazing beautiful girlfriend...i live with my best friends. and (in my mind) i have 2 very good bands gonig right now. buuuuut my brother moved to seattle and my other old best friend is moving to ashland. but whatever. things change...and my life is still amazing oh not to mention allie taylor and kelley have returned into my life.

(2 how many will you take with you?) [18 Jul 2006|06:18am] one day my dreams will all come true. but today is not the day.

(2 how many will you take with you?) [16 Jul 2006|05:55am] i seriously hate everyone right now. its funny how often you can get dissapointed and letdown by some people. some "friends" i have

(1 how many will you take with you?) [14 Jul 2006|11:29pm] fuck...i must really suck.

(6 how many will you take with you?) [13 Jul 2006|04:15am] the world has its turns. and people get hurt. the body needs to heal. and theres a pyhsician in all of us. so drink the bitter sweet remedy it offers to you.... ive spent the past 3 days with kaylynn. i have a girlfriend...weird. shes really cute though. i just have to get over my difficulties with trust. cuz i feel bad...i have no reason to not trust her but i dont entirely trust her so i get pissed about stupid shit. different people same things...maybe i should grow up in that part of my life? im just too scared i guess. ive had so many people turn their backs on me. and you probably hear all this shit that i deserve it and all the shit people say. but no one deserves to have ex best friends talk shit about you and start rumors about you. i had all the justification i needed to call that certain someone a bitch. all the people that are around me in my life are at least 18...or at least mature 17 year olds...so i dont understand why issues like this still happen to this day. ive kept my mouth shut. i dont talk shit about people that i dont have evidence of what im saying. and thats how everyone should do it. i really need to sleep... i do have really good friends i rely on...but not trust...augie, tony, cam, chelsey and i have had a few really good conversations...but she isnt always there for me but thats my fault i think. charlie...i dont know where id be if it wasnt for charlie. hes been in my life since 3rd grade. we had a rough year and now our friendship is stronger then ever. i probably would of left oregon if it wasnt for him. all the friends that have came through my life the past couple of years...all the people that have flown through my life. i know its just growing. i miss this: (the comments) http://omfgjaykob.livejournal.com/8305.html?thread=44657#t44657 http://omfgjaykob.livejournal.com/7076.html?thread=36772#t36772 ( text )

(2 how many will you take with you?) [04 Jul 2006|03:42am] if one more person takes ORC as a real crew im going to give up on everyone in portland. its about warcraft and fuckin orcs running around chopping heads off or some shit. relax for a bit and dont take everything in life so seriously. you think I would be in a crew?....ME? a little fashion fuck with tight girl pants and some gay pretty little hair cut? no...i am not some jock kid that got stuck in the wrong scene like every other bro kid in portland. i am a music lover. look at everyone in the "crew" none of us are like that. you dont say it O-R-C like the letters. you say "ORC" and you make a trumpet noise and make fun of whatever situation youre in. and to all the other lies...no i didnt total my moms mini van in california and avoided my mom ever since. i do not have an std. i dont have a kid. i do have a job. i dont do drugs. i dont get sloppy ass drunk everynight. i dont steal from my friends. none of my friends/ex friends/ex girlfriends/family or anyone on this earth really knows me. so stop acting like you do. augie and charlie are the people that know me best and they still cant figure me out. i do that for a reason. this world is fucked. there is nothing to look forward. there is nothing at the end. you die. you decay. youre forgotten. so stop fuckin flippin shit 24/7. enjoy your life. if thats sitting on the couch with some friends drinkin a beer, or going to a park, or walking around portland. being clean, being drunk, being quiet, being loud...whatever the fuck it is you like to do...do it...have fun... lifes short and theres nothing at the end so keep breathing and play around a little. stop talking shit about people you dislike. dont spread rumors. it doesnt matter if you believe in any kind of god or dont. its about being a human being and having good morals. you can be a christian or whatever or not just have fun. you all think these rumors and shit talking wont get back to me...even though you try to turn my own brother against me and the few friends that i hold onto in this shit area.

(how many will you take with you?) holy hell [18 Jun 2006|04:39pm] so taylor chelsey and i went to see death before dishonor and blood stands still down in corvina...we ended up missing the show cuz we didnt get down there until 10, so we were like we will just go to the show tomorrow cuz its like 15 miles away...then we find out it got cancelled. so we just hang out at richie's house in corvina and stayed a night there..rad dudes there. then the next day were trying to decide what to do and chelsey's friend dustin in a band called lockdown or something invites us to a bbq so we go over there and yeah it was a lot of fun chelsey and i went swimming in our clothes haha. we stayed at that guys house and watched some mooovies. anyways...we decide that we went down there to see dbd and bss so we go to see them in vegas. soo we make the trip to vegas and before dbd and bss plays a bunch of stupid bullshit happened cuz las vegas kids are pretty immature but the fsu kids were friends with the kids there and cool with us so we got protected by them haha. i was scared. dan is a big ol scary dude. but really funny and rad. death before dishonor and blood stands still did fucking amazing and i couldnt help but have this huge smile on my face the entire time hahaha. this chick invites us to chill at her place but since vegas kids dont like us we had to leave and we were trying to find a hotel but couldnt get one so we had to stay in the car. on the ride back up...we kiiinda ran out of money in hood river and had to search around the car to find enough loose change to get us back home. haha. it was an adventure. but i am so glad were home. we were suppose to be gone 2 days and were gone for 5..some people thought we were never coming back haha. i missed augie =) i love him hahaha. nw fest tonight i guess. im kinda tired from the trip..ugh. oh and im moving back to my moms kinda. not really but she just bought a bed for me to stay there but im gonna be crashin on couches until i can move out with tay and charlie. my new band american me is sick as fuck and heavy as a mother fuck. im stooooked duuuude. this is way too long. peace!

(2 how many will you take with you?) [12 Jun 2006|05:50pm] haha at my last random journal entry. augie, taylor mathews, chelsey, and charlie are all i need. fuck everyone else. fuck all your lies. fuck all your bullshit and immaturities and insecurities.

(7 how many will you take with you?) [06 Jun 2006|07:24am] for some reason im randomly about to write a huge ass livejournal entry... my life has been fucking out of control for the past couple months. and i have been very very lucky. taylor m, augie, and charlie have turned into the best friends ive ever had. ive also been thinking about how much i miss allie and taylor..the nights id stay at taylors and just me and him would talk about life and whatever else and drive around and shit like that...be kids..have fun..be irresponsible. i miss driving around tigard with allie and just once again...be kids. i dont talk to them much anymore. the only times i talk to taylor is about band shit or about life in the apartment. i only talk to allie if it has to do with cat shit dishes or garbage. i hate my apartment...its destroyed me. im not bruised or broken or letdown very often but this apartment deal. is fucked. i told cory im moving out as soon as i make the last payment on july 4th...we dont need to be out by the 31st but im ghostin that shit asap. charlie offered me his couch until i can figure out what the fuck im doing. is the way ive been living my life lately really what i should be doing? i go 7, 8 sometimes even 12 days straight of getting drunk. it just happens now. some how someone will have alcohol and offer it to me. ive been so lucky for doing all this and still not getting in trouble or even still being alive... i took a whole week off of work cuz i just needed to recover from what ive been doing lately. not just that..but try and rid myself of certain memories i still have about ali. try and bring in some new ones that would cloud my mind and float memories of her away. i still hate her for everything that has happened even though not all of it is her fault. but still. no matter how much i tell myself i hate it her i still am grateful towards her for giving me some of the best days of my life. happiness for that long doesnt come out of no where. yeah we had problems and i cant speak for her but i know i was happier when i was with her then how i am now. but with the friends i have right now its starting to help me forget about her finally. its still sadly a slow slow process but its going. as weird as it is chelsey and i are on good terms again. i guess me her and taylor are suppose to go on a road trip to california. im actually pretty excited, i doubt it will happen but it still puts me in a good mood thinking about it. i hate this place. i hate being here. i want to be away every now and then. i want to go camping, i want to drive to seattle with 2 of my good friends and sleep in my van or something. i want to have fun. i dont want to worry about the drama that surrounds portland. ive fucked up here enough so let me go away so i can fuck somewhere else up. but anyways...i turn 18 in 6 days...i dont even know where to begin how to handle that..i remember when i was like 13 and 14 i would look up to 18 year olds and be in total shock. like wow theyre old and shit like that. and now its here. i already can tell you whats going to happen on my birthday...im going to get fuckin drunk and someone is going to have to peel me off a bathroom floor...or at least honestly thats how i hope it goes. and you all better believe taylor augie and charlie will be there with me. i hope allie and taylor will make a brief apperance...even if both of them say happy birthday jacob without me having to remind them would probably make my fucking year. i seriously miss them. they are always just in the other room from me but still...i feel like a ghost to them sometimes. its kinda gay but i really do look up to them. i see them as family...the older sibilings that actually give a shit about me i never had. and now i dont have either of them cuz us living together has torn our friendship to pieces. i dunno about them but for me its kind of awkward trying to hold on to the last piece of friendship we have left...maybe im just too negative but sometimes i feel like there is nothing left and after we go our seprate ways..there will be nothing there.. ugh. i know no one will read this..thats why its so personal haha. but this wasnt really meant to be read..more like..getting shit of my chest i need to say right now but its better to be typed and documented rather then spilt to 3 guys that are passed the fuck out right now. at least i get to acknowledge the fact that growing up is fucked. i need a cigarette on my lips and some dip in gums.

(3 how many will you take with you?) [26 Apr 2006|09:28am] most of you dont know it...but i actually hate a lot of you.

(how many will you take with you?) [06 Mar 2006|12:18pm] i moved out.. peace d00dz no more internet.

(2 how many will you take with you?) [18 Feb 2006|02:42am] in the movie the ringer...did anyone notice that the guys uncle names johnny knoxville's character after he started acting like a retard to jeffery dahmer? jeffery dahmer is a notorious cannibal serial killer that would kill people and have sex with their decaying corpses and then eat their meat and keep their skulls as trophies. he use to masturbate in front of their skulls for "gratification" man that guy was nuts. I LOVE IT! but seriously didnt the writers know that?! they should of picked a different name.

(how many will you take with you?) [13 Feb 2006|03:11am] ahh im so happy :) i love my bffs! and i hope the best for allie and taylor theyre great people. things wouldnt be the same without them. tatiana is amazing and rad and i love hanging out with her. im trying to get tsi onto a few dates on the gaza mich!gan tour and i hope all that works out. portland, seattle and boise. ahh i hope it all comes together. i love the dudes in gaza. jon is so rad and i want to see all those dudes again. im listening to blink 182 and everything is good. :)

(how many will you take with you?) SUP BI-PO?!?! [06 Feb 2006|03:10am] im fuckin happy as shit. DANG! i love the people im around now.

(3 how many will you take with you?) im depressed. [03 Feb 2006|07:40pm] i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing. i am nothing.... i have nothing left and i have nothing left to offer. pussy bullshit.

(1 how many will you take with you?) [03 Feb 2006|06:50am] ahhhhhhhhhh fuck.

(4 how many will you take with you?) [01 Feb 2006|02:39am] i love how this past week ive been putting so much effort towards a lot of things just for a minimal reward/comfort/happiness. im miserable life sucks. blahblahblah and allie wont leave me alone about the stupid pictures on my camera that i am NOT sending her no matter how much she begs.

(3 how many will you take with you?) [28 Jan 2006|01:56am] my mom just came up to me bawling asking me for a cigarette cuz her and dave got in a huge fight or something. im done with relationships, with caring, with being emotionally attached. heartache and being worn out emotionally. im 17...i have plenty of heartache ahead of me. im going back to the old me. on my own, and independant, loving every second of life and being happy with myself. were all individuals and im going back to being proud of that. i dont need any of this, i dont need anyone. i dont need a person to be my stepping stool and hold me up and to give me courage, to tell me theyre proud of me, to love me. the people in my band, and the people that have stuck by me since the beginning are the only people that have earned my respect and that have showed me they have their own pride, heart and courage. those are the people that i will stand by. everyone else..i dont care about any of you. sorry. i didnt appreciate the last relationship i was in. and now i realize everything i did, and who i was just a disrespectful emotional person that was too afraid of the world. i took advantage of ali as my girlfriend, everything she did for me, all the little things, i didnt notice..showing up to my house with food, talking to me when i needed to vent. smiling at me when i was down to bring me back up "aw babiii" i took advantage of that. the only time i was good to her was the first two months when i helped her get her feet back on the ground after her rough time of being lost and confused. after that, i didnt give her anything. ive dwelled on it for the past months and i turned the sadness into hate, and now im over the hate. now im accepting it and moving on with my life. im sick of waking up every morning and thinking about her, every time i take a shower, get ready for work, drive to work, on my breaks, after i leave work, when im with my friends, when im getting ready to go to bed, while i fall asleep. ive been hurt over this...and now im back to the way i use to be. the hurt means nothing anymore. scars heal and so do breakups and letdowns. i will always love her. i would always lend her a helping hand after everything, after the shit talking and the new boyfriend, and the "ugh" noise she makes when someone gross walks by (now me) after all that, id help her if she needed me becuase i still remember the good times, not the bad. but im sure she would never ask me for help cuz to her...thats lowering herself down to the bare minimum of life. im ok with her looking at me as a pathetic piece of shit. and if she ever sees this i know she will laugh and poke fun at me, and show her friends, and her new boy and they will all enjoy themselves for a couple minutes. no one will ever understand. yeah id take her back in a heartbeat. that saying "you never know what you have until its gone" applys so much to this. but theres nothing i can do about it. we broke a million times and each time we ran back to each other but the last time already came. maybe too soon for me too swallow. but thats what i have to do. we always told each other we would be nothing if we didnt have one another. and maybe its just me that thats true for, but thats alright. everything is alright with me. the fact that she hates me and thinks im repulsive, but i think shes still the most beautiful thing in my eyes. i love her and she hates me. thats ok with me now. i dont have her to depend on anymore. and i havent known what to do for the past month and faking it hasnt worked. so its time to man up. accept it and man up. i could type for hours and hours about this. but im done.

(how many will you take with you?) [19 Jan 2006|03:06am] oops i just posted a huge rant i shouldnt of. and i deleted a bunch of my entries but there was a reason and now i forgot about it and moved on again.

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